Definition: Motard

April 26, 2010
Delaram 2, Afghanistan
09:12

I decided to write on this topic soon after finishing another post, but I made it a new entry because it's a completely different subject.

There are many words in the Marine Corps that a civilian would ask me to repeat if I dropped in a normal conversation. There's a Mount Everest of acronyms to sift through as well. Some of them we even pronounce like a made up word. Actually, we pronounce every acronym we can like a normal word. It helps us remember it I guess.

If I said "Ooh-Rah!" to someone, they'd probably know I was a marine, but it's still not a word that a civilian would use in normal conversation. That's not the word I'm thinking of right now.

I'm thinking of the word "motard."

Mike Oscar Tango Alpha Romeo Delta...

motard (mow-tard) n. derived from motivation and retard
A person so overcome by, or exuding excessive military esprit de corps that his or her mind and/or outward acts no longer carry and reasonable sensibilities.

I think the first time I ever heard the word "moto" was in Recruit Training. The "Moto Run" was an event designed to show off newly minted marines to their friends and families on "Family Day" at MCRD San Diego. It stands for Motivational Run. Notice "moto" appears nowhere in the word "motivation," and is therefore a destruction of the English language, something the Marine Corps is no stranger to.

I'm not sure where I heard the word "motard" first, but I feel like I've been thinking about it a lot lately. There are a few different types of motards. The following system is based on my own personal experience and beliefs. I have not stolen this list from anyone, nor do I encourage anyone to steal it from me without accrediting my name.

I think there are five classes of marines: A through C are motards. D and F are not.

The Five Classes of a United States Marine:

Class Alpha (is a motard)
These marines are the real deal. There are VERY FEW of them within the ranks of E-4 (Corporal) and below. Most alpha marines tend to be sergeants and above, but I believe most of them are officers, major and above. These are marines who legitimately continue to stay n the Marine Corps because they actually love their country and do what they can in remembrance of the Star Spangled Banner. Their salutes are crisp, their verbal greetings are loud and prideful. They'll gladly pin on any rank as long as it's a marine rank. They diligently perform their assigned duties in accordance with the leadership traits and principles of the Marine Corpe and exemplify them all in throughout any given day. They have three middle names: Honor, Courage, and Commitment. Though they physically exemplify everything that a Marine Corps recruiting poster would promise, they cease to be normal human beings. Everything they do is for the military with little to no focus on their own personal gain outside of military life (that is the lie of a recruiting poster). Their devotion to Marine Corps customs and traditions is so intense that they would follow any traditional procedure or ceremony blindly, even if it compromised their own values and beliefs. Class A marines are a dying breed. America is filled with millions of people who no longer have any principles or morals, and therefore these people continue to join the Marine Corps lessening the numbers of Class alpha marines. They will be extinct within the next thirty years. Class alpha marines are either first, second, third, or fourth generation descendants of the kind of leadership and attitude implemented during the island hopping campaigns in World War II. Either that, or they personally served in World War II (once a marine, always a marine).

Class Bravo (is a motard)
Class Bravo marines are those who exemplify the kind of selfishness that permeates the business world. They strive tirelessly for their own personal gain and advancement through the rank structure. This is all done under the guise that they are class alpha marines while they most certainly are not. In fact, they are almost polar opposites. Wile alphas are some of the most selfless human beings on the planet whose sole objective is to work and fight for the next man, class bravos' objectives are for their own benefit. The deceit of a class bravo marine is that of an actor. When no superiors are in the nearby area, class bravo marines will act like normal people. When in front of superiors, they radiate a sickeningly positive and overall attitude towards their duties, when in fact; they feel very little legitimate interest in anything involving the Marine Corps. If you've ever been around a group of Mormons (not to single anyone out of bash a religion) dressed alike wearing white shirts and black pants with nametags, you may understand where I'm coming from. It's hard to tell if these people are actually being nice and smiling a lot because they're actually happy to talk to you, or just because they feel as if they have to and it's one way to get their foot in the door. Class bravo marines are the supreme ass-kissers.

Class Charlie (is a motard)
Like bravo class, charlies are in it only for personal gain and advancement and not for their fellow marines. Unlike bravos, they may actually admire some of the Marine Corps customs and traditions. They are loud, obnoxious, and most of the time unintelligent and rude. For lack of a better word, class charlie marines are douche bags. I.E., they're the perfect example of the type of leadership the Marine Corps is looking for at this point in time. While the line may be blurred somewhat between the state of mind between bravos and charlies, their outward actions make them easily distinguishable. A class charlie marine is almost always trying to spot the weakest link in a small unit to find something wrong with them. Their main objective is to point out the mistake of their peers, or ranks lower than they are, and make them noticeable to superiors. Often times in the process, the charlie marine will correct the mistake himself, but never until a superior is close by. This is how they operate day in and day out, but not because they really want to make sure every one's haircuts are fresh or every one's shave is current. They do it because a lot of higher ups in the Marine Corps confuse this type of behavior with good leadership (another reason that class alphas will be extinct within a few decades). Class charlies marines are also the reason that most junior enlisted marines fear officers. I couldn't put my finger on why this was when I first entered boot camp, but I came to a slow realization that. Officers retain most of the common sense and personality they had before being commissioned, so for the most part, they're pleasant people. Charlie marines either compromise their old personalities, or make sure everyone notices they're mean and the most intimidating person in the room. When a charlie marine is near an officer, this is when the officer becomes feared. If he or she is inadvertently disrespected in even the smallest of ways, the charlie marine will make a public example of the unacceptable behavior in front of the officer to impress them. The officer will most of the time have either a mild or apathetic response to the situation despite the charlie marine's enthusiasm. Charlies encompass most of the senior enlisted ranks (E-6 through E-9) and some officer ranks, though this is mostly limited to captains and above.

Class Delta (is not a motard)
A delta marine recognizes the more elite nature of the Marine Corps training and behavior but does not hold any qualms toward other branches of service. They can be motivated, though this comes in irregular intervals and is usually caused by a force or event outside the military. Class delta encompasses a wide variety of personality types and pay grades (mostly E-1 through E-4 and O-1 through O-3). Most of the time, delta marines are more preoccupied with events at home than they are with Marine Corps happenings. It is more important to them to be a good person than a good marine. There are a lot of class deltas in the Marine Corps than any other class. A lot of them are good marines, it's just that they blend in and aren't quickly noticed for their leadership or by their leaders. A lot of class deltas are pretty apathetic towards the Marine Corps and therefore are not very proficient in their work. Like I mentioned, this class contains the widest variety of marines.

Class Foxtrot (is not a motard)
Foxtrot is the opposite of the type of person considered to be a motard. These marines either don't care enough or deliberately go against the acceptable marine standards. Class foxtrot marines are comprised of people who no longer want to be marines, or will soon be discharged. These people are "shitbags" (another common Marine Corps term). Foxtrot marines can be just as selfish as bravo and charlie marines, though their selfish gains can only be fulfilled upon exiting the military. They often have few friends left in the military and spend a lot of time alone. This leads to their negative attitude towards military life as they feel no more options are available to them as a marine. Their status could be their own fault due to violating the UCMJ, their own immature mindset, or a lack of common sense that prohibits them from correcting recurring mistakes in their duties. I've seen the Marine Corps make foxtrot marines too. If a marine is near his EAS date, he or she will most likely become a foxtrot marine. If a marine is scheduled to be administratively separated, he or she will become a foxtrot marine. If a marine is withheld past an EAS date, or an EAS date is moved closer due to ad-sep status but is still bypassed, the marine will become a foxtrot and is dangerously close to becoming suicidal. Suicidal tendencies are especially likely if the marine's pay is cut to lower amounts or no amount at all when near an EAS date.

There you have it. This is what I see on a daily basis. 99% of the people I work with or have trained with fall into these five categories. A small percentage of people may be eligible for classification in sub-classes, but very few.

I consider myself to be a delta class, though I've definitely crossed the border into foxtrot territory in the past. Once rank is removed, or the threat of rank removal is instilled, it's very easy for your mind to lean into foxtrot territory. Just plain not caring about anything or anyone else is contagious as well.

Motards are a dime a dozen in my line of work. The MOS I belong to likes to hold itself to a higher standard, and therefore it is much more strict about the smaller things. This gives the charlie class motards frequent chances to step up and yell at people they consider to be inferior to them, thus getting them noticed by leadership. Most class deltas don't get promoted quickly, and therefore it is the bravos and charlies who are promoted at regular intervals.

Here's a short quiz:

1: While hammering in tent poles with a twenty pound sledge hammer, a marine misses a few times and smashes the tent poles. Another marine calls him out for it. The first marine underhand tosses the sledgehammer through the air causing the second marine to dodge the hammer by bumping into a third marine and knocks him over. The sledgehammer lands on the foot of a fourth marine who had no where to go; he starts yelling at the first marine in anger. The first marine shrugs and tells the fourth marine to stop bitching about it, dropping the hammer onto the ground again to demonstrate that it could not possibly cause damage to a human foot. The fourth marine storms away, telling the first marine to finish his work by himself. The first marine shrugs again and says he doesn't need the fourth marine's help anyway. What class is the first marine?
Answer: The first marine is a charlie class marine. He may have seemed like a foxtrot, but this is because there are no superiors around for him to suck up to. The work performance of a charlie marine will slump drastically when superiors are not supervising. This will possible reveal charlie marines to be lazy and have a poor work ethic.

Yes, I hate charlie class motards. They are infesting the Marine Corps. They're going to destroy it if they make it to the top. They're already at the top in some cases. When a charlie motard reaches the top and they have no one left to kiss up to, they start to believe in all the crap that they used to yell at people for. No, I don't get yelled at often for petty things like that, but I notice it happening a lot. I try to stay perceptive and informative without ranting, which I'm doing right now.

And yes, I got the sledgehammer dropped on my foot and it friggin' hurt.