Something Humorous

March 3, 2010

Camp Leatherneck, Afghanistan

10:17

I thought I'd tell a funny story today, since, well...I woke up to one.

Let's call him...SSgt Albert. He's my company Gunnery Sergeant. Well, I woke up to him kicking my cot and saying "Milas..." "Milas..." and did I mention kicking my cot? It was pretty irritating. You see, SSgt Albert is an 18 year Staff Sergeant, and looks like he's about to die. He's one of the most incompetent Marines I've ever seen, if not THE most incompetent.

There were two Marines from my platoon that were supposed to be up at 06:00 to take a piss test, and apparently they were late, so for some reason this Staff NCO comes straight to my bed while I'm sleeping (not to my Corporal, why would he go to the guy in charge?) and asks me where they are.

Of all the people in my platoon that are asleep, he goes straight to me. He's notorious for being a little bitch and going straight to E-3s and below and not to NCOs or other Staff NCOs. He knows they have no respect for him, therefore, the only people he has total control over are junior enlisted. Weak titty milk...

Since my rank looks like this:

And his looks like this:

I kind of have to listen to him.

So, I sat up and looked at him, confused as hell, and he said:

"Where are Hill and Hoaglund?" in his old man voice, sounding like he's having a hard time making his toungue move in his mouth.

"Uh...there're not here..." I muttered, looking over at their empty cots. So, they probably went to take a piss test. Is that far fetched?

"They didn't show up this morning! Where are they?"

"Uh..."

"Well, I need you to get up and go find them..."

And since I'm an E-3 and he's an E-6, what can I say? The Corporal a few racks down woke up and looked over, but instead of actually doing something about the situation and asking why a company guns was interrogating one of his Marines, he rolled back over and went to sleep. Typical LS NCO.

"I don't care if you have to go out in PT gear...or whatever...they need to come find me. I don't care how many chow halls you have to go in...this'll go straight to the Sergeant Major if they're UA...do you think they'd be in the internet center...?"

"I don't know..." I answer, just sitting there. Seriously...this guy came straight to me. What the hell is his problem? He's had a problem with our platoon since Mojave Viper, but that's another blog entry.

I start getting dressed and another Staff Sergeant walks into the tent, asks SSgt Albert what's going on.

"These Marines didn't show up to the piss test...who're they with?" he turns and asks me.

"LS..." I say, almost a triuphant answer for him to hear.

"Do you guys have a logbook in here?"

"Yes."

He starts paging through it, doesn't find their names. "Well, they didn't sign out, figures..."

I finish getting dressed and as I'm walking out I hear him say something like:

"Well, take that book with you; shove it up their asses..." before he storms out.

I walk around Leatherneck for about five minutes before I see SSgt Albert walking towards me about 100 feet away, so I change directions and walk away. And just like I suspected, Hill and Hoaglund had been there and done that; they were sleeping when I got back to the tent. I wish I could make this story as funny to you as it is to me, but it's impossible for me to type the way this guy talks. If I ran on every word in a sentence together to make one super compound word, that might do it. He sounds like an old man who can't talk, and on top of that, he's a horrible leader with terrible judgement. He's been promoted five times in the length of time it'd take someone to become a First Sergeant, and he's been a drill instructor, so he should at least be an E-7. I'd just like to know where he went wrong in his past. Maybe I could understand him then.

Until that moment, I have to put up with his persistence in waking LS Marines up early.